He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
