After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
