his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
