On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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