I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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