Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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