Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
