you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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