It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
