we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
