I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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