Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your penis caused this!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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