I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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