i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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