Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
