i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize