Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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