I'm passing your future prison.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
