At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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