You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
