if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
