Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
