It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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