i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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