I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
