My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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