Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
