i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
