you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
