i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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