So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
