omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
