He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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