I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
