i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
