You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
