We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
