We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
