Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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