I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sorry about my life...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Congratulations! We have a period
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