I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
