You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want you more than these girls want KFC
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
