Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
