____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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