My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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