How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
