We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize