I just made out with a guy for $7.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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