just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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