yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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