its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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