Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
