someone threw a dead crab at me
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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