he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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