Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
