God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
