yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
