I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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