New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
