you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
