i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
