Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
