Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
