ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
