Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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