omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drunk is not a location!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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