What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
