are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
