Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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