Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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